Episode # 1.2: The Slish

Colin: Hello and welcome to another thrilling installment of Unusual Specimens, a nature program that highlights some of nature’s more awkward children. I’m your host Colin Panetta, joined by my ambidextrous co-host, Alex Bishop. Say “hello” to the kids at home, Alex.

Alex: Hello kids at home.

Colin: Today we continue our exploration into the far away desert terrain of South Kis M’Butte, with another of its fascinating creatures, the Slish.
Alex: This exotic fish has actually evolved a way to exist outside of a body of water. In fact, no Slish has ever been found in water, ever! How crazy is that? They are able to swim through sand much like their aqua-borne cousins, regular fish. They are a common sight along the dunes of South Kik Yo’Butte, but still a food source has not been identified. Very strange, indeed.

Colin: Please forgive our idiot graphic designer, who when applying the iron-on graphics to this photograph, misspelled “Slish”, “Sish”.

Alex: Sometimes people get very tired, Colin.

Alex: Our photographer has captured the Slish during one of their favorite pastimes, jumping out of the sand and exclaiming, “Hwuh!” This majestic sound carries far over the barren dunes, perhaps catching the attention of a flock of Drill Birds.

Colin: And sorrowful days are ahead for those that do Alex, as we all know the Drill Bird’s main form of sustenance is the one creature in Kis M’Butte more stupid than itself- the Slish!

Alex: Life in the desert is a harsh one. Somehow Blinky [Unusual Specimens staff photog!- Ed.] was able to catch both the signature Slish head as well as some sort of ghost fish behind it. Slish predators are numerous, and conditions are harsh. The Drill Bird is in fact, the main Slish predator. Using its powerful Death Spin technique, the Drill Bird is able to decimate small schools of Slish.

Colin: That’s great Alex! I don’t think I’ll ever figure out how you got all of that creamed corn out of her pockets.

Alex: What?

Colin: This helpless little Slish has been taken from the warm inviting embrace of its sandy habitat and is lying helplessly on our “Unusual Specimens Examination Table”™. Notice how it calls out for help from its brothers, who can he heard flinging themselves into the sides of our “Winnebago ‘O’ Science”™ in a hilariously futile rescue attempt.

Alex: Slish guts are more difficult to get off sheet metal then love bugs.

Colin: Here’s a field recording that we took of the sound of the little fellas hurling their bodies up against the side of the “Winnebago ‘O’ Science”™! Listen:

Click here to listen!

Colin: Dis-gusting!

Alex: I get hungry just hearing it.
Alex: Slish normally grow up to be between 2-4 inches long. So I have no idea how big this tiny man must be. This is astounding. What a tiny man! I can’t believe it!

Colin: Slish poachers can be a serious problem out here in South Kis M’Bhutte, no matter what size they are. Slish are widely sought after for their unique voice boxes, used by the kids in my neighborhood in that racket they call music. Anyway, thanks for tuning in this week and joining us in our raid of nature’s proverbial couch cushions, faithful viewers. Remember, if you find any new forms of life, take a photo and send it in to us… we could show it on the air! And stay tuned to Hot Wax Mealworms for future installments of Unusual Specimens. Tell the people goodbye with your famous signing-off catchphrase, Alex!

Alex: You know I’m not good at coming up with brisk comedic dialogue under time constraints, Colin.