Episode # 2.1: Pandozen-Bellied Honeybeak

Colin: Oh, hello there kids. I didn’t see you come in. Welcome to another breathtaking installment of Unusual Specimens, the nature show that puts the spotlight on nature’s unseemly underbelly. The light rock cover band in the music industry of nature, so to speak. I am your host, Colonius D Panjetta. Joining me as always is my ever pliable co-host Agigx Borshop. Say Hello to the pretty girls, Alex.

Alex: Hello, everyone.

Colin: You’ve joined us this week in the middle of a safari in the far off tropical rainforest of Lavandria. Lavandria, located just east of Peru and just north of Madagascar, is a tropical rainforest fan’s wet nightmare, playing host to some of the most diverse and fascinating flora and fauna this side of the equator! Let’s take a look at some, shall we?

Colin: Woah! Look out, Blinky! [Unusual Specimens staff photog!- Ed.] Boy kids, birds sure do seem to love Blinky. You would think that his head looks like a wriggling, juicy earthworm! Actually, now that you mention it…

Alex: This is an awfully blurry photograph to start out on. This bird flies through the trees of Lavandria searching for its primary food source, monkey eyeballs. Adventurers going on safari in the jungles of Levandria would do well to invest in some protective eyewear, as Blinky obviously discovered the hard way.

Alex: Here we see many Pandozen-bellied Honeybeaks at rest in its natural breeding grounds. Mature Pandozen-bellied Honeybeaks travel over 2 km every breeding season to reach the very area in which they were conceived. They are world renowned for having the shortest migration ever. Adventurers gather at these breeding sites at the appropriate time to witness this impressive event.

Colin: Note how the Pandozen-bellied Honeybeak does not cast a reflection into the water below it. This is due to the hue of the Pandozen-bellied Honeybeak’s plumage. It is the only animal in the world that sports the color Pandozen. Which, as we all know, light passes right through. And boy, just look at this beautiful, serene scene. The playful gaze of the Pandozen-bellied Honeybeak into the camera lens. The way the two Pandozen-bellied Honeybeaks in love snuggle up against one another on the log. The way the dead Pandozen-bellied Honeybeak in the lower right hand corner still seems to have so much spirit in it. You know, after so many years of studying nothing but grotesque, repulsive abominations of nature, it sure is nice to take a look at someth-

Colin: OH MY GOD what is happening! Alex, explain it away with your science so that I don’t have to fear it anymore!

Alex: It looks like the mating ceremony has begun. Every Pandozen-bellied Honeybeak emits a high pitched, horrible screeching noise similar to nails on a chalkboard amplified several thousand times. This part of the mating ceremony lasts for a full lunar cycle. At the larger breeding sites this noise has been known to rupture eardrums and cause permanent ear damage from as far away as 5 km. It’s a good thing that Blinky had earplugs since he was this close, right? He had some, didn’t he?

Colin: Whew! Thanks for that enthralling explanation, Alex. You’ve surely rescued me from no less than a fortnight of nightmares. For further scientific analysis, I whipped out my celly and shot this vid of the creature in mid transformation.

Colin: And with that kids, I’ve had all I can take. That’s it for this week’s thrilling pillaging of the back of nature’s refrigerator. Remember, if you find any strange, new forms of life, take a photo and send it in to us… we could show it on the air! And stay tuned to Hot Wax Mealworms for future installments of Unusual Specimens. Tell the people goodbye with your famous signing-off catchphrase, Alex!

Alex: If you would like to purchase an individual copy of this program installment in VHS or DVD format, please send $50.00 in small bills and a SASE to:

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